The finished version. 'backlit', 20"x16", oil on board
What is my definition of an artist?
Dude, I don't know. To be perfectly honest i think it's someone who seeks to express an honesty within themselves (so long as it doesn't hurt anyone, if it does hurt others then you're a sociopath and you should probably seek to connect, it's the beauty of life, everything, after all, is connected).
Many artists start out copying others, specially in the beginning and i think that's perfectly fine and natural, humans are masters of imitation and it's how we learn but that shouldn't be a means to an end. I'm not here to judge, i either get inspired by something or i don't, do what feels right.
Something i'd like to address from my last post;
Regarding my exposure, sometimes the quality/aesthetic of my work is not what a venue is looking for. I'm not judging them for it, i'm saying i get a rejection. There are more reasons why my career is where it is and i have everything to do with it. Cookies for everyone.
I'm just gonna keep creating and hope that my hard work will progress professionally. I dare say also that i've not considered changing what i do because of lack of approval. I love what i do, i connect with it. It's my reason for being here. I'll also mention that i've had my successes. So. On we go.
Yesterday i had an interview at T radio V with two lovely ladies, Polina and Kira. Everyone at the studio was fantastic and super friendly. I will reveal here though that it wasn't my proudest moment. Since i've stopped drinking and swearing as means of being social I've been getting reaquainted with the art of conversation and sometimes i get nervous (a part of my personality stemming from childhood experiences). Anyhow, when that happens my brain races and i say stupid shit cuz i can't organize and keep track of my thoughts. I'm like that guy that feels it was a good idea to strap himself to a rocket and light it. So, it happened in the interview, hence i will never watch that interview. There is a big difference between nervous kat and collected/chillin kat. All i can think of is me running around that recording room naked with flailing arms trying to catch the words that i want to come out of my mouth which is basically what happened. At the end of the day though, you know who really cares, no one. And in that case, i'm perfectly safe and satisfied with my life :).
Polina, Kira, Kiel and mystery tech guy, thank you so much for having me on. It was a pleasure. :)
It is no secret that i'm a passionate person, the trouble with that is that it can push on manic. I have a lot of energy and without the proper cares it can be intense in a negative way. I used to let that energy out in a physical and verbal way, but more recently it's taken up the quite psychological role.
I have learned enough about myself and come to enough peace to be fairly balanced, stable and consistent. This has been achieved through much hard work on my part, discovery and the willingness to learn and change for the better. So, for self maintenance i need to at least do one physically straining activity a day, this is usually running, but other activities which really push the body work too, i've added meditation to my list, so there is that, and at least one legit social connection a day. I keep track of my moods in a calendar and note their root to see if there is a pattern i need to be aware of. Smooth sailing now... but it wasn't always that way, specially the past 4 years. I'm pretty sure my calendar went black and red for months.
In the end... remember to play, to have fun, to enjoy every moment regardless of the past and the future. Don't rush through life. People make mistakes, we screw up, shit happens, and so what?
Move on, learn from it, and commence anew with a positive perspective. Be good to yourself and to others. Cookies for everyone.
The remainder of the week has gone fairly well. Studied drawing, did some paint copies, quick and small of R.Casas and A.Zorn, finished a painting and went plein air with some buddies. I've been working a good deal from photos recently i was really happy to go out and paint from life.
Nothing compares to it, in the end it's really working from life that drives me as an artist, hours can pass and they don't matter and i don't feel them. You're a part of that reality, breathing it, touching it, internalizing it.
Getting ready in the next two weeks to apply to some upcoming shows. So, we'll see how it goes! Ciao!
